All Things But None

I used to be a photography major... Some of the pictures above are within the last few years, and most others are prior to 2000. I loved photography, though I only took a few courses. I wasn't good at approaching people to take their pictures, and I didn't know too many peeps to begin with, so I only photographed myself. Not that I'm narcissistic, but in a way, I might be?! *shrug* Back in the days, I seemed to be younger than most folks, but now, it's the other way around! ahaha! *cough cough*

Some of the photos are a bit silly [I couldn't help it, I was sooo much younger then! :-)], and the others are even more so. But it's always good to remember... Don't you think? So I might take a new one today, and years from now, from it -- maybe I'll get to remember today.

Toodles noodles!

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Currently listening:
Slowdive - Shine

In algebra, we typically label an unknown quantity with a letter such as a, b, or y. We can use the same approach to label what we truly need and want. We'll call it x. X is The Answer. It's what we all really want and need, even though we don't know what it is.

What we do know is that everything we can think of never satisfies us. Thus we know we're looking for something that's not like anything we can think of, or hold as a possession -- even as a possession of our minds. Maybe, for a moment now and then, we think or believe there's something that will truly satisfy us. But in the next moment, we discover we're wanting again. Sooner or later, doubts settle back in. By definition, x cannot be like this. If you realized x -- whatever it might turn out to be -- you'd never want again.

But, unlike the bright objects we commonly pursue in an effort to satisfy ourselves, we cannot seek what we truly need and want because we have no idea what we're searching for. Rather, x is like a fish that swims into the net of its own accord. What we can do -- all we can do -- is lower the net.

What we really need and want will never appear as an object to your mind. Nevertheless, you already know Truth and Reality (what you truly need and what) now. If only you would stop telling yourself what it is, or asking yourself what it might be, or speculating on what it might look like, it would become readily apparent.

Text: Steve Hagen

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Remember the post with the 'mysterious' picture? The idea behind it still amazes me! And funny in that particular post, I was also listening to the same song by Ulrich Schnauss!! He'll be playing at the Troubadour in October... But that's not important!] So the page with the above was dog-eared. I guess eventually I knew I would go back to it some day, and that I did last Thursday night. The information doesn't explain much, but it says enough - for now.

Whatever it may be, it's probably good for me to ask the question every now and then... Maybe I was feeling a bit stagnant last week?!? Who knows, though I think it's nice to fluff things up a bit. Anyway, 'nuff about this! heh! Am at home now and taking today and tomorrow off. Painters are here to paint the interior of the house. Finally, after 2 years.

I also found some old pictures of me [oy!] from a backup disc that I saved from my old Mac... I'll post a good few tomorrow. Some were seen here before, some have not. But more tomorrow! Have a great Monday everyone.

So what have I been thinking for the past 2 days... Let's see... My boss treated me to lunch yesterday. He started 6 months ago here and so far we've gotten pretty close as personal friends, and on top of that, he's a great guy. His oldest sister passed away this year on Mother's Day, who was also 56 like my sister. Work has always been secondary to him, because he said that there's simply much more to life than work! So during lunch yesterday I asked him: "When you see your loved one on deathbed, do you think it is 'easier' for the dying, or the living?" "It all depends!", he said. For me, I still don't know.

That was yesterday. This morning I was thinking 'bout other things... Do you ever get the feeling that no matter what you do, there's a certain something lacking in your life? I'm not talking about a soul mate or anything like that... but something that comes from within, from your own existence. Things that you 'need' to do and feel passionate about...that you need to explore in yourself and to bring forth. Hard to explain and also I'm not a man of fine words.

I once told another boss of mine during my annual review, that I wanted to make something 'beautiful'... but that was probably more from a personal point-of-view than for it being job related. But it still holds true... Something that gives personal meaning! Maybe art, things that I can make with my hands - a mental expression, or something that I can give back to the community, like volunteer work. Sometimes I think I can do so much more with myself, but just don't know what... and when!

I'll keep working on it. Have a great evening everybody. 'til next time!
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Currently listening:
Ulrich Schnauss - On My Own [Robin Guthrie version]

Last Friday I sent my 2 nephews an email regarding their mother... The day marked the first anniversary of her 'passing'. Is there a better word without sounding too definite yet being realistic at the same time? They're doing okay, but how is life ever the same?

Hi......

It's been a year since mum left us...... She was a great mother, daughter and sister that were dear to all of us......

Although our lives have somewhat seemed to have returned to normal 1 year after her departure, it's often the times when we are away from our daily hustle and busy lifestyles that her absence comes to our hearts......

Seldom does a day go by where I would wish that she was still here with us, her voice the way she called us ‘hello son…” that voice still echoes in my head and I will never forget that......

If only she was still here how great that would be...... I often think if she was still here what would she be doing......? Till this day I still remember the last moments we spent with her and all the discomfort she was going through, but as sick and uncomfortable as she was she we never heard her complain a single time and even till the very last moments she was still smiling and looking out for us. And before she finally left us, she opened her eyes to look at us one last time and grasped our hands...... that was the last time I don’t think I will ever forget that moment…

Every time I look at the album Uncle Robert made, it brings back all the fond memories that we all spent together – that is all we have now, memories and we must never forget them.

Having mum depart and leave us like this has been quite a shock; never would I have thought that something like this would happen to me. We hear stories of people/friends falling sick and passing away around us but seldom do we think that it will happen to someone so close to us.

I often wonder what governs how much time we have, is there someone out there that determines how much time we have or is it the way we live our life, our lifestyle and our choices that determines how much time we have...... One thing I have learnt is to cherish those around you, never depart on a grudge as you may never know when is the last time you will see them...... As when there time comes and you don’t get to see them again you may live in guilt for the rest of your life…..

Life is precious and cherish those around you......

Take Care......

Osmond

Medina is survived by her 2 beloved sons, Osmond and Alex, and her husband. I've attached the email from Osmond here... The email's been deleted yet his words will live on. This past weekend my mom made special dishes to offer to her, it was a nice remembrance and a celebration of life. We just cried on our own.

This morning right after I read the 2 email from my nephews, I read another from a friend of mine. Subject: My Mother. Found out that my friend's mom went to the ER this past weekend, had a cat scan to realized that she has cancer in her pancreas and it's been spreading to her liver.They said a year. Such tragic news. He wrote back this morning, her time is now 6 months.

I apologize for posting such depressing news. One truly never realizes such calamity until it hits close to home. I promise the next post will be a much happier one. Take care everyone. May peace and good health go out to all.

Y'know at times I thought it's 'okay' to curse when people aren't around or near me... But is it? I guess I got a little hissy-fit yesterday but after I had the 2 entries typed out and published, I did feel a little better - so I thought.

Even though having internet access at my job is required [I work in a web group], it's still a privilege! Yesterday after I read the entries again, the titles were really meant to be funny, but it's not that funny. I guess whatever that I was feeling got the best of me. I could've unpublished them, but I think their display is a good reminder for me. Lord and Buddha know I am so flawed!

Anyway, today is a special day but I won't go any further. I hope everyone is having a great Friday today and a peaceful weekend to come! Take great care everybody. xoxo

Sorry for being a potty-mouth this morning. As I mentioned before, my workplace blocked all email such as Gmail, Yahoo!, Hotmail, etc., not to mention all web-based email programs as well. But someone here advised me on MailReader.org and it seemed to be working at one point, so I thought. Anyway, just today I was checking my email again and I was wondering if any of my out-going mail went out, if at all! Something got me thinking! So all these email that has an R for Replied never got sent! In fact, there isn't even a Sent Box to be found on the site! Crapola!!!!

WAAAAAAAAH! Anyway, just thought this deserves a 2nd entry for the day! So for those of you that I've replied previously, I'm so sorry. I guess nothing was ever sent! So now you know! :-(

This morning I found out that my work had finally blocked Blogger. That means no more reading all my favorite xxx.Blogspot.com's blogs. WAAAH! This really sucks the big one!

I just checked, and there are about 24 peeps that are affected on my list! 24! WAAAAAAAAH! Guess now I'll definitely have to allocate some time at home just to read blogs. Sorry for the rant this morning everyone... My workplace here is prolly working on blocking WordPress and TypePad as well. Who knows!

F*ckkity-F*ck-F*ck-Crap!!! I need to go home now! *more crying* But whatever happens, still, gotta see things in a positive light. Something good will come out of this I'm sure. Oright, there's always this thing called 'work'! heh!

Have a great day everybody. xoxo

PS. I just checked, the Typepad homepage is blocked, and so is LiveJournal. *sigh*

Death is nothing at all -- I have only slipped away into the next room. I am I, and you are you. Whatever we were to each other, that we still are. Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used. Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without the ghost of a shadow on it. Life means all that it ever meant... There is absolutely unbroken continuity.

What is death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you -- for an interval -- somewhere near just around the corner.

All is well.

Nothing is past; nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before. How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!

Text: Henry Scott Holland

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Bought a book this past weekend, The Book of Eulogies by Phyllis Theroux... Looked all over the bookstore for 3 hours and this is what I finally purchased. Sounds a bit morbid? But I find comfort in reading these pages.

Maybe I was thinking about my sister Medina who passed away just last year. This weekend marks the anniversary. What is time but a slow march to death, or to another life, so it seems. I'm not too sad these days about my sister... It is what it is and I know that she lives on - wherever she may be.

Last week while in traffic, another person asked me about my plates... I dislike being caught off guard, it's awkward for me, and it's not like I have a script that I keep in my car. I smiled and said: "...uh, it's kinda hard to explain!" "Oh okay!" she replied.

I think the realization of the everyday things, the beauty and the blessed, makes me a little solemn and a little bit sad.

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Currently listening:
Penguin Cafe Orchestra - Perpetuum Mobile

I was just listening to the song by Donna Summer, the Patrick Cowley's 15+ minute Megamix; which I still don't think it's long enough! Have you heard? God I love this f*cking song! I think this is one of the best, if not THE best, disco track that was ever written!! Have I told you how much I love disco? heh!

Anyway, why am I feeling love? Because of some of you fellow bloggers out there, that's why! I've been wanting to say thank you's to many of you who have sent me all the little gifts through the years!!!

Just yesterday I got 2 CDs from Ryan, last week another CD from Preston and also a DVD from Dave!!! Earlier I got a personal art print from Lola, a book from Kevin-Andrew and Kris, a CD set and tee shirts from Jay, buncha goodies [too many to mention] from Wayne and cards from bloggers all over. And also from Stuart, who isn't really a blogger and someone who I've yet to met, but he's been sending me stuff from way back!!! I feel blessed, maybe that's more appropriate!

Right now I'm listening to the Hooked on Classics series, remember those? And Stars on 45? How could anyone not remember them? hahaha! I'll be sending some oldies to Davey soon, and I still need to send the discs out to Sushil and Jennifer as well. I haven't forgotten guys. I promise! Anyway, this week I should re-categorize all the tracks from my Radio.Blog. I shall have an 80's and a Disco category. It's the right thing to do! heh!

Just want to say thanks again everyone! I really, really appreciate it!! Human League's Seconds is on now, gotta run!! Happy Hump Day!

A poor man suffered a lot because he did not have a job or enough money to support his family. He got into the habit of stealing vegetables from his neighbor's garden.

One night he went with his son to the garden to steal some turnips. When he picked the third turnip, his son suddenly shouted from behind. "Daddy, somebody is watching you!"

The father asked, "Who is looking at me?"

The son answered, "Look up, the moon, daddy. The moon is watching you."

After listening to the son's answer, the father felt embarrassed. He immediately put down the turnips. He felt very sorry, yet he was happy at the same time. He walked home silently holding his son's hand. On his way, he thought that he would use both his hands to earn a living the honest way.

Text: Yung Dong & Marjorie Jacobs - The Short March to Wisdom

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I bought the book this weekend and it pertains the story above; I liked it a lot. I finished it in half an hour while waiting for my haircut Saturday late afternoon. It's basically a children's book, but hey, I'm a kid myself. heh! So how was your weekend? Hope everyone is all refreshed.

I spent most of my Saturday with my folks and grandmother. Always nice to see them. They live about 30+ miles from me and I try to go back every 2 weeks. If they lived closer, I know I would go visit more often.

Sunday afternoon I met up with super-nice [my use of adjectives astounds me sometimes!] blogger David, we've been chatting on and off for about 2 months now on Yahoo! Messenger, and finally we decided to meet yesterday for lunch. He has many stories to tell, an interesting soul indeed. How would I describe him exactly? "Gentle, sweet and full of heart!" Yeah, don't let his butch-look fool you, although he has a fairly deep voice and yet he's über soft-spoken. Did I get that right Dave? :-)

At any rate, we'll definitely meet again soon. I promised that I would bring Alec next time. Most likely for a dinner and a movie... or maybe Disneyland, who knows!! Whatever we may be doing, I'm very much looking forward to it. Thanks for being so brave and meeting up with me David! I kind of knew that you were a sweetheart when I first chatted with you, and now I know why!

PS. And he ordered himself a copy of Bully! ehehe!

Well the first 2 or 3 could be for Glenn cuz he's really, really good in math. Don't ask me why cuz, oright, cuz he's a math teacher that's why! Anyway, this was sittin' in my inbox from my work email. You guys might've read it before, but it still gives me a chuckle!

Have a wonderful weekend everyone and enjoy! xoxo

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ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

The last time I logged on and checked my email was sometime last week, and prior to that, I don't quite remember. Hence I got the email below from my host, 3 times:

• This is just a note to warn you that the following users and/or mailboxes of yours are within 10% of their disk space limit:

• m9551546 (robert@allthingsbutnone.com) is using 45.30/50 MB (90.60%)

• You should probably either up their disk space limit from our web panel's "Users > Manage Users" and "Mail > Manage Email" tabs, or go in and delete some files and/or mail!

• If a user hits their quota they won't be able to log in, mail will bounce, and most likely you'll have some problems with any websites hosted in their directory! So please consider taking action very soon!

So for the few that have sent me email, it's not like I'm neglecting you per se! Personal email has been blocked from work a couple months back... @#%$&!!, 'nuff said about that. But last week someone routed me to yet another site where I could log on from work again [d'oh!], but I'll have to use it sparingly. So little by little, one email at a time.

Have a good day everybody. This is just a short update on my email crisis. heh! Toodles for now.

Today means boundless and inexhaustible eternity. Months and years and all periods of time are concepts of men, who gauge everything by number; but the true name of eternity is Today.

Text: Philo

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Read the above awhile ago and I liked it. But then, what is eternity? Isn't that another one thing that man made up? Is it something real? Anyway, I know that today is important, and not just it's because it's a national holiday. Today is real and it's good enough for me. For the people who has a day off today, enjoy your day off and be safe. More later gators!

Sometime late last year, Rockstar Games, the people who brought you the Grand Theft Auto series, came out with a Teen rated game called Bully! Well I ain't going into details on what GTA was, but Bully is a definite treat. Here's the lowdown on what the game's about from Amazon:

As a mischievous schoolboy, you'll stand up to bullies, get picked on by teachers, play pranks, win or lose the girl, and ultimately learn to navigate the obstacles of the worst school around, Bullworth Academy - a corrupt and crumbling prep school with an uptight facade.

The story follows Jimmy Hopkins, a teenager who's been expelled from every school he's ever attended. Left to fend for himself after his mother abandons him at Bullworth to go on her fifth honeymoon, Jimmy has a whole year at Bullworth ahead of him, working his way up the social ladder of this demented institution of supposed learning, standing up for what he thinks is right and taking on the liars, cheats and snobs who are the most popular members of the student body and faculty. If Jimmy can survive the school year and outsmart his rivals, he could rule the school. Ready yourself for a hilarious return to campus living with Bully.

One can certainly do a lot of free-roaming in this game. Well, I won't go into anymore details but I've been running around school campus in my tanktop, tighty-whities, socks and tennis... It's kinda fun! The BEST part of the game is that, well, you can give flowers and chocolates to other boys and... mmm... and make out!!! Hilarious!!

Yes, this is silly, mentioning about a mindless video game... But I just thought it's pretty funny and blatant on the kissing part! The Sims had similar situations, but nothing came close to this boy-on-boy ass-pounding kissing action! heh! See for yourself!!

You're in luck baby. I REALLY like your present!!
I'm hot. You're hot. Let's make out!
I'm such a player!!!
I'm a totally awesome kisser. Right?

ROFLAARP!! Oh this is too much!! Oh I mean uh, ROFL!!! Have a grrreat Monday and happy July! xoxo

PS. Say, can anyone see the video link right above? Cuz I think some peeps are having trouble. Dratz! Well, if all else fails, you can see it here via gaygamers.net