All Things But None

I've only done 5 or 6 of these Untitled entries since I started ATBN. I've been so neglectful. The last one was from back in June... you might not have noticed, but the branches change - just for you!

The piece in this picture is something we bought on one of our vacations, something that was made from a Chinaberry tree... now the man lives on our bookshelf.

Have yourself a good Thursday! :-)

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Currently listening:
Air - Night Sight

Why must life always has to stimulate me and not the other way around? :-) And why do I always display a 'smiley' right after I say something silly?!? And Alec always asks me: "Why do you use the word "always" all the time?" This morning while I was driving to work, in silence: "If I were on the passenger seat looking at myself, would I like what I see?" Questions I ask but never expecting an answer. Someone asked "What comes after death?", but what were we before life began? It was 6.42am.

Life gives us this and that, but could we give ourselves even more? Sometimes I go about my days not knowing where I'm heading, and it seems that this is no way to spend my life. I guess it's moments like this when I ask myself such questions... and to wake up! For a short while anyway. Are we only sleepwalking?

You know how we get into our cars, or other mode of transportation, and we get from Point A to Point B? I feel like that today, and today I feel like that every day. Our bodies is just another vessel, traveling from one place to the next... There is no difference. Bodies that we can't get out of - in this lifetime. Our faces are just masks, and underneath that, we're all the same... like lost souls... sometimes...

I can't put words and things so eloquently like other bloggers do. :-) I'm fine. I was just thinking thinking this morning... Tomorrow is another day. I hope your day is going well! xoxo

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Currently listening:
Christian Steiner - Der Nussbaum

Reading Michael's entry about trees made me feel all warm n' fuzzy! The first year at the house we bought a skinny 7.5ft artificial tree, and it looked great. That January I found a white-snowy one from Martha Stewart at half off, so now we have 2. The following year we used the green one again. This past weekend we finally opened the box from the new tree and assembled it. hmm...

The tree's all white and we decorated it with these colored glass ornaments bought from the glass store... that was 2 years ago [or was it 3?!?] during our trip to Washington State visiting Alec's parents. His mom took me to the Museum of Glass one afternoon but it was closed that day... waaaaaaaaa! But oddly enough, the store remained open! So anyway, we never put up these particular bulbs since they don't show up very well on the green tree. Oright, back to the tree bit... so I'm thinking the white tree definitely lacks the 'warmth' that a green one gives, whether it's real or fake. That's my take. We're not quite finished decorating though, so maybe I'll post a picture later. A white tree is different.

'nuff about that. sheesh! This post really isn't about my damn trees, it's more about Klaus's take on the song Der Nussbaum! I believe I heard a version on one of my Christmas CDs before. Not sure if it's an actual 'holiday' track or not... but I love it... yet I love Nomi more! Have a great week everyone!

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Currently listening:
Klaus Nomi - Der Nussbaum

Well I hope everyone had a hearty Thanksgiving. Good food with family and friends. Did you eat too much? I didn't think I did, but I did. And turkey meat is like friggin' tranquilizer, I couldn't stop yawning after dinner. Like a drug. What's in a turkey anyway?!? :-/

So now I'm back at work, it's like a ghost town here today... at the moment I'm making a Christmas CD for Alec and I. heh! Is it too early? I think we're gonna put up the lights and the tree this weekend, too. We have 2 fake trees... one green and one white! I know, so cheesy! I know it's early, but why not, gotta make it last! Oright, and the red bows on my car. heh! The main reason I like Christmas cuz it tends to put people in a festive mood. Not everyone, but enough peeps... least for me anyway. How 'bout you?

But I'm ALWAYS festive... 'cept when I'm sad! :-) :-( Have you made your Christmas list yet? Before I go, I'll leave you with a song by The Three Wise Men... one of my favorite Christmas songs. More next time!! Have a great weekend everyone.

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Bing Crosby - Winter Wonderland [Bent Remix]
Barry Adamson / Cocteau Twins - Odio - Amor, Odio - Amor / Frosty The Snowman
The Three Wise Men [aka XTC] - Thanks For Christmas
Captain Sensible - One Christmas Catalogue
The Pretenders - 2000 Miles
Cocteau Twins - Winter Wonderland
Eartha Kitt - Santa Baby [AlexKid Remix]
Kay Starr - The Man With The Bag [Thunderball Mix]
The Buss of Delight feat. Matthew Sweet - Christmas
Sun 60 - Mary Xmess
Eurythmics - Winter Wonderland
Cristina - Things Falls Apart
The Waitresses - Christmas Wrapping
Gregorian Chant - Amazing Grace
Libera - Stay With Me
Libera - When A Knight Won His Spurs
Enya - The Magic Of The Night
Enya - We Wish You A Merry Christmas
Enya - Christmas Secrets
David Bowie & Bing Crosby - Peace on Earth / Little Drummer Boy

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Currently listening:
The Three Wise Men [aka XTC] - Thanks For Christmas

I like this one in particular. More of his work here.

A Speck of Dust?
A fun-knee thing happened today, well actually, that came later. Today at work, my boss and I were talking about just 'how small one feels...' Y'know, the feeling that you get every now and then, not too often, that when you look at the "whole picture", you just feel... well... small. For me, like looking at pictures of different parts of the world, pictures of planets and star clusters [especially pictures like the 'birth' of a star, etc.], the ultimate universe... Well, to sum it up short, I often feel like I'm just a speck of dust in this vast 'place' we live in, and I'm sure that there's something even bigger than our so-called universe itself, no doubt!

So here's the [kinda] fun-knee part! I got home tonight and I was flipping thru magazines, I found this article about an artist in Australia named Stephanie Valentin, simply amazing... and here's a photo to prove it:

So a pollen isn't all THAT small, but compare to us, it's small enough. The point of the story is? Hmm... Buy her prints? Yes and no. I guess it's: No matter how small you feel, there's always something bigger [durr] and smaller than you. I know that even on my skin right this minute, there's a whooole world of living creatures dwelling in it as a habitat... K, this is getting dumb, so just go look at Stephanie's page... At times, even the smallest thing can be made bigger than life itself...

Yeah, the above was from an early 2003 entry, my writing style was even MORE quirkier then... adolescent! :-) I was looking through my old entries and found that I've writing many posts on, ahem, 'art'. Not so much as writing about them but simply posting pictures on what I liked, at the moment... on things that interested me at the time... and I missed that. So I think I'll start doing that again since last week my friend Stuart sent me a few images that I found was pretty awesome. There I go again, talking like a kid teenager! heh!

Not one but two posts today, woohoo! Have a great week everyone! xoxo

How was your weekend? Short n' sweet? I saw my grandma again, since my folks are out of town, my sister Anita and her 2 boys are staying with her 'til my folks come back. I think in another month or so. So we took grandma out for dim sum. First she was reluctant to go but we managed to convinced her. There were a total of 10 of us with the 5 kids [niece and 4 nephews]. Good crowd.

Grandma's doing okay. I'm glad. Her appetite is still somewhat decent, which is good. Prior to heading home my other sister Vivien and I took grandma to the market to get some bread and fruits for her. After that we hung out at the house for a few more hours. All the kids went back to my brother's house and Anita had some class to tend to and won't be back until 6pm. Vivien and I stayed for a couple more hours and then we had to leave. The house was lonely without my mom and dad around. I didn't feel good about leaving grandma alone, but I carpooled with my sister this time so I had to leave with her.

My sister was waiting in the car and as I was locking up the door my grandma was screaming my name...... But all she wanted was to give me candy. I don't know where she got them from but they're these little bite sized Milky Ways, Hershey's and Three Musketeers, packed in this beat up peanut butter plastic container. I seriously don't need any more chocolates for we still have the leftovers stuff from Halloween in the fridge. Every time I leave my grandma would try to give me something, even the littlest things you can imagine... a few pieces of candy or 2 little crackers. I used to get so annoyed and complained quite a bit for many reasons... Like I don't eat this stuff, I can buy my own, I have plenty in the house or why not give them to the kids instead...

But you know? It's love. She can't cook much these days, she can reheat her food, and that's as far as she can do to make herself something to eat whenever my folks isn't around. My grandma raised me up, so she used to do everything for me... for I was treated like a prince! When I was like 8 or 9, my grandma was leaving for Melbourne, Australia to take care of my sister Medina's 2 babies. My dad drove us to the airport in Hong Kong and once I realized that my grandma wasn't coming back, I was bawling my eyes out to no end... I still remember that day!

So the candy is just candy, but it's from grandma... Love comes in many forms, and I'm very blessed to still have her in my life. Not much else that she can do for me these days except to give me whatever she can get her little hands on, but it's enough...

Thanks for the candy grandma... It's more than enough.

Millions of people have decided not to be sensitive. They have grown thick skins around themselves just to avoid being hurt by anybody. But it is at great cost. Nobody can hurt them, but nobody can make them happy either.

When you start becoming open, both things become available: Sometimes it will be cloudy, and sometimes there will be sun. But if you remain closed off in your cave, then there is no cloud and no sun either. It is good to come out, to dance with the sun, and yes, sometimes to feel sad with the clouds, too -- and sometimes it will be very windy. When you come out of the cave, all things are possible, and one of the things is that people can hurt you... but that is only one of the things.

Don't think about it too much, otherwise you will become closed again. There are millions of possibilities; think of those things, too. You will be happier; you will be more loving. You will be more available, and other people will be more available to you. You will be able to laugh, you will be able to celebrate. There are a thousand and one possibilities. Why choose only one thing, that people will hurt you?

Text: Osho

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Currently listening:
Red House Painters - Song for a Blue Guitar

Nothing much to say today... Or maybe music can express what I'm trying to convey right now..... maybe not. I love this mix: Call Me Golden Skans. Ahaha! Funny that, I made a mixed CD yesterday with a bitchin' mix of Human League's Seconds, a new mix of Propaganda's A Dream Within A Dream, and Chemical Brothers' Golden Path [Ewan Pearson Mix]... It so happened that all of the tracks have the word 'golden' in them!?! Was listening to the CD this morning and I just laughed. It's kinda funny, and strange! *shrug*

Well, enjoy this particular track. It puts me in a dancing mood, but I refuse to dance cuz I'm at work right now. I can bob my head, or something. Oright, Soulwax has a new CD set... Not really new, but still, yum! Yeah, not much to say today... 'cept with music. Have a great Thursday everyone.

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Currently listening:
Klaxons vs. Blondie - Call Me Golden Skans

If I were to have a thought...

I would go back to being around 11 years of age, wearing my favorite tee shirt and shorts, white socks and dirty sneakers, riding my bike... without a worry in my head!

A pleasant day, on a trail to nowhere... with high trees around me... birds singing, a sunny day, breathing the air... smiling...

As I ride along the trail, I would see different scenarios of people... families, friends, strangers... and hey, there you are!!! Doing the things they love: Enjoying life... talking, playing, laughing, caring for one other, being alone, in contentment, and in love... at times saying hello or waving at me as I pass by...

Don't know where I'm heading... I take my time; aiming forward, yet looking back every now and then as I keep riding on my trusty o' bike... Maybe to find the end of my trail, maybe not...

Ahaha! That was written back on December 17th, 2003... My bike's getting rusty these days but I'm still peddling... I hope everyone have a good day today! Bye for now!! *waving*

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Currently listening:
Penguin Cafe Orchestra - Prelude and Yodel

I went to take my car in on Monday morning at the dealership; it was just an oil change. Not cheap, but I got a coupon in the mail, and it's an easy drop-off. I drop it off in the morning, get my shuttle ride to work... and after work, I call them and they come and pick me back up. And that's how I met Marylou, a woman in her mid-50's. She's always been the driver at the dealership and I first met her about 2 years ago or maybe longer, I don't recall. I go there about 6 or 7 times a year more or less. She's always friendly to everyone but sometimes she can also be a bit reserved. Whenever I see her, we talk briefly for the duration of the ride, which is only about 10-15 minutes. It's always nice seeing her, the few chances that I get whenever my car needed service. She even knows about Alec.

A few months ago she's started telling me about her mother, about her Alzheimer's Disease which slowing crept up about 5 years ago. Ever since she told me, each time I see her I would always ask her how her mother was doing. "Oh it's hard on both of us, but she's hanging in there!" She would tell me how her siblings would never come and visit their mother. How her son won't talk to his uncles anymore because of that. How her mother used to microwave her own food for lunch while Marylou was at work, and this one time she burned the plastic container because she had put it on the stove top instead... How her mother starting to forget her own daughter... It was always so heartbreaking to listen. Slowly sinking... Two months ago I sent her a card that had the word BELIEVE on the front and with a few encouraging words inside. It seemed appropriate at the time I guess. I didn't know her mailing address and even her last name. I called up the dealership and found out her last name, but they would never give out any other personal information. She called me back a couple of days later and said she appreciated it very much.

The month after that I took my car in again. I didn't see her there though. Someone from the service desk told me Marylou just took the day off. She probably had stuff to tend to regarding her mother.

So this past Monday I finally saw Marylou. We did the usual greetings with one another. I asked her how her mother was doing. "She passed away last week... we just had the funeral service this past weekend." My heart sank and I just gave her a big hug and said that I was so sorry. There was another guy who needed a ride, so she asked me if she could drop him off first and then me. "Of course!" I said to her. After the drop off she started to talk. She told me how the service went and how her mother isn't suffering anymore. She said in the end her mom didn't even recognize anyone anymore and thinking that Marylou was her own mother... We talked about her house and she said that unless she gets some extra income, she will probably have to sell it and start renting. She seems strong, I only felt helpless.

Tomorrow I'm will send her some flowers. I will send them to the dealership since I still don't know her home address, and I will send her a card. It's a little something.

I believe losing a parent is one of the most devastating ordeal that one has to go through in life. The strangeness of losing someone so close to your heart... It's indescribable! Take care Marylou. My heart goes out to you...

My friend Gina took this picture while she was vacationing down in Florida last week. Cute innit? Well it's cute if your name happens to be Robert. You can't see it but under the giant signage, one of the smaller signs reads "Fruit Stand"... How rude! heh!

Hope everyone had a bitchin' weekend and a grreat happy Monday!! I know, oxymoronic.

It's November. The year seems to be marching by so very quickly. Lately I felt like I've lead myself astray, and that I haven't been talking about the things I truly love. Maybe I have, maybe I haven't, but I don't feel like I have been. I missed reading, but I'm slowly getting back into it. I missed the calmness in myself. I guess video gaming has been driving me bonkers. Always trying to level up my characters... don't I realize that I have much more important things to tend to? :-)

About two and a half weeks ago, my folks flew back to Hong Kong / China to visit families. My oldest sister and her 2 boys are staying with grandma while my folks are away. Last weekend I picked up aunt #3 and we went to visit grandma. It was nice, though I didn't talk to grandma much this time, my aunt was doing all the 'babysitting'. I might go for another visit this Sunday. My grandma doesn't care about my games, she doesn't care about what's happening to Ms. Britney, she doesn't care about the latest and the greatest gadgets like the Mac OS X Leopard... all she cares about is when we'll visit her again, and that's enough for me. I think I will go see her this Sunday. "Wait for me grandma!!!"

Aunt #3 was here late September. She flew all the way from Melbourne, Australia. She used to fly in with my oldest sister every year or every other year to see us, but now she flies alone since my sister passed away last year. She's in her mid-70's and doesn't speak much English, kudos to her for not getting scared, or lost. I hope I can still move about like her when I'm in my 70's. While she was here, I took a picture of the 'girls'. It was actually my grandma's idea. She wanted a few 'solo' portrait shots, and we all know what that's for... She was in great spirit that day and we all had a wonderful time just seeing them together. Below, aunt #2 is the third one from the left.

The week before aunt #2 was leaving, I got the prints developed and I printed 4 sets of 5x7's, I gave them all out to the 'girls'. I remember showing them to my grandma while she was in bed, her vision isn't too good so she had to put them close to her face, and she had to squint. "I wonder when we'll all meet again...", she spoke quietly. In my heart, I was thinking, I don't know either grandma. I'm hoping there will be a time again...... and to live each day as if it was my last. A solemn thought, but that day was a very special day.

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Life isn't always what we planned out to be, and that's okay. Driving to work this morning, I thought of this little 'story' again. Everyone knows the saying, but I don't think not very many people have read a story that leads to the saying. I first posted this back in early spring of 2003, not exactly sure why I thought of it today, but I hope you'll enjoy it while it's here again! :-)

A powerful king, ruler of many domains, was in a position of such magnificence that wise men were his mere employees. And yet one day he felt himself confused and called the sages to him.

He said:

"I do not know the cause, but something impels me to seek a certain ring, one that will enable me to stabilize my state."

"I must have such a ring. And this ring must be one which, when I am unhappy, will make me joyful. At the same time, if I am happy and look upon it, I must be made sad."

The wise men consulted one another, and threw themselves into deep contemplation, and finally they came to a decision as to the character of this ring which would suit their king.

The ring which they devised was one upon which was inscribed the legend:

THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS

Text: Idries Shah

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Currently listening:
佛光山 Buddhist Choir - Wu Sian Song II