All Things But None

Sometimes I blog/write when I'm at work... All this week I've been trying to write something, and got nothing. I just stared at the blank screen... cursor waiting. Nothing I really want to write about, but small things that I want to put down. A disjointed post.

I was chatting online with a friend earlier, telling him that I still don't know what I want to do in life, as far as my profession goes. Got me thinking back when I was young and my partying days! I was in my early 20's maybe? Met this one guy who was a fancy magazine publisher and that night somehow he ended up asking me what I wanted to do/be in life. I told him something, obviously something that was important to me at the time, but right now, I don't even remember what that 'something' was! Sad innit? But at the time, that was what I really wanted to do or become. And then he asked another question: Now. What do you REALLY want to do in life? I was floored. The question echoed again and I was lost for words. On certain days, I feel much haven't changed, but the answer is getting clearer...

I've been having recurring dreams lately... I don't remember my dreams mostly but the ones that I do remember are about my oldest sister Medina. I remember two specifically, but now when I think about them, I could only remember one. Though I do recall, all of them were sad, I always end up crying in the dreams. As I remember this particular one, my family and I were at this gathering and I was sitting next to my grandmother. This lady walked up to us and to comfort my grandmother, she told her that Medina is running a little late but that she'll be in later that evening. I heard what she said and I got really excited!! But after my grandmother walked away, the lady turned to me and said: You KNOW she won't be coming! Then I started to cry...

I listen to buddhist chanting almost everyday when I drive to/back from work [either that or some really hard techno/electronic/dance stuff or 70's oldies or disco, I flip back n' forth!]. At any rate, I made this chant compilation that I listen to often, almost 3 or 4 times a week, I never get tired of it. There's this one particular track called The Initial Joy, which is quite... well, joyous! It's more upbeat and 'glorious' compared to other tracks. I usually listen to the slower tracks which are more melodic and soothing, and I used to tear up in the car just from listening to the melodies, but I have not done that in a long time now. So this past Tuesday while driving, I fast forwarded to that one 'happy' track and before you know it, I was weeping for about 10 minutes. Later I asked myself: How did that happen?!? Sometimes things just happen unexpectedly and that life often catches you by surprise... and I like that. And without the opposites, we cannot grow.

I finally dug up my old [circa 2000] cover letter and résumé this week and so it's time to make the necessary updates. It sort of made me laugh when I saw my old résumé, where on top it has the graphic of a boy puking and on the very bottom, in small print, reads: ...world turns for reasons... When I applied for my current job here, the résumé was formatted to be corporate-friendly. This time, I might just leave them there the way they were intended.

Lastly, I read the below from a book a few weeks back. Whether I believe if there's a heaven or not, it still put a smile on my face:

Thanks for all the encouraging words a couple of posts back, I'd like to reply to them some time this weekend. Have a nice Friday everyone and a good weekend, too! Be good to yourselves!! xoxo

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Currently listening:
佛光山 Buddhist Choir - 準提咒