My grandmother knows best, but these days, she doesn't quite remember much after all these years. She's 97 you see. I'm not sure how I would feel when I do get to be that age. I went back 2 weekends in a row to visit. She's much slower these days and cannot hear so well. Most of the times I just sit next to her, just to be with her. She asked me what day it was, I said loudly in Cantonese, "Twenty-six!" I said it five or six times and she kept repeating "twenty-nine"! She refuses to wear a hearing aid... She doesn't understand technology let alone having something resting inside her ear. Her main activity these days is sweeping the leaves in the shady side yard. She does this 'til she gets very tired and then she would come in and sleep all day. My mother tells her not to over do it because sometimes she would get sick. That afternoon I held her and walked a bit in the back yard so she could get some sun.
My grandmother raised me since birth. At the time, my parents had to work and were always working. She fed me, pampered me, looked after me and guided me every which way. My older sisters were there but often times they were doing something else. Grandmother also tended to my older brother as well, but he was about 6 years older and therefore all the attention was on me. My grandmother was a somewhat feisty, yet strong individual. She had 3 daughters and while my mother was about 6years-old, grandfather passed away. After that, my grandmother had to be strong in order to survive.
She used to take me to the market to get our daily groceries. She would get her basket from top of the fridge and then off we go. She cooked and she cleaned and she tended to almost everything around the house. Before I was born, she even worked and gave the money to my parents. We were quite poor you see, and the money was never enough with 4 children in the house. My grandmother never learned [or had the opportunity] how to read or write, so oftentimes when we go shopping, we would stop by this one guy around the block, whose set up was but a small table and 2 chairs, and had him write letters for her. She recites what she wanted and he writes it all down, for a small fee of course. When we finally moved to the states, I remember getting blank cassette tapes for her to record her 'spoken letters' to send. Always, always to this one friend of hers who was in New York at the time. They lost contact back in the late 80s as I recall. I remember my grandmother telling me her many 'adventures' with her girlfriend. Stories about the war... how one day they were being 'invaded' and the soldiers made her friend kneel on broken glass...
To this day, my grandmother was, and still is, a very strong woman. She was once a young girl with many dreams, she was no different. But these days, seeing her being so fragile breaks my heart. She doesn't even have enough energy to go out anymore, and she gets dizzy riding in the car. She had done so much for me all these years and seems like all I could do now is just sit there... I will never be able to repay her for all the things she did for me!
I love you Ah Pau.
