All Things But None

(L to R: Sister Anita, auntie, mum, cousin Betty, my other sis Vivien.)

This Thanksgiving holiday came and went, and I hope everyone who celebrated had a wonderful time with your friends and families. People say that holidays are for kids, I disagree. I [would like to] think that the holidays are for families to all get together. As we grow older, our lives seem to get busier by the minute, and that leaves us with less and less time to spend with our loved ones. At least that's my take on things. The joy of children getting excited for the holidays is great, seeing their expression on their faces while they open presents is even better, but I think having the opportunity to spend time with everyone in your family is the best.

But not everyone was at my folks' Thanksgiving dinner this year, that's okay. My brother was away overseas but now he's back. He and I are going to visit our folks this coming weekend. So not one but two turkeys were prepared that evening. There were 14 of us altogether, not too many but plenty for the small house. During the evening, out of the blue Alec said something funny in Cantonese which made everyone laugh. He always knows how to make me laugh!

It was a well-rounded evening filled with laughter and loud chatters. I guess the most memorable moment was near the end of the night after we all had our desserts and coffee. Anita was sitting alone at the dinner table along with me on the opposite side. We just started talking.

We talked about her daily life... things like taking care of the house, the kids, the garden and everything else. My oldest nephew just started college and is in the process of getting his own car, but in the meantime, my sister still has to drive the two boys to and back from school. All the stuff that she has to do around the house while her husband is at work all day. I guess it's pretty typical what a mother does really. I asked her about her fibromyalgia. Good days and bad, she told me that it isn't too bad as long as she keeps going. We then started talking about Medina, our eldest sister who passed away two and a half years ago.

Anita was telling me while they were young, she and Medina would always get into fights. Being the younger child, Anita would always 'win', and she would always get her way. But in those forgotten years, being the elder, Medina also sat good examples for her sisters, and always took care of them regardless. That night at the dinner table, Anita told me how she never really got to thank Medina for all she has done for her, and how she never told her how truly appreciative she felt. Right before Medina passed away, my family and I all flew over to Melbourne to say our goodbyes, Anita didn't get to go because she had to stay behind for her two boys. How does one say goodbye when the other person is no longer around?

(Medina in the early 70s)

She then told me about a recent dream that she had. She was young, and she saw Medina in her dream. They were both playing and Anita finally got the chance to say all these things to her elder sister. How thankful she was, how much she missed her, how grateful to have a sister like her. And after what was said, Medina quickly grew old and ill...

At that time, our eyes were pretty welled up, but she continued with her stories. She told me recently when she went to one of her sons' school functions, she came across this one teacher who looked exactly like Medina. The way she did her hair, the way she talked and her mannerism, all reminded too much of our sister. They didn't say hello until they met the following time. My sister finally had the opportunity to meet her. Anita shook her hand and they both talked briefly for a bit, as if for a moment Medina was really there. After she got home that night, she just cried... Cried to her sister whom she never got the chance to say goodbye, to tell her thank you for all she had done while they were growing up, to let her know what a great mentor she had been to her all these years... None was said, but at that moment, it was enough.

My sister and I were crying at the dinner table while all the others were busy chatting and watching TV or busy in the kitchen. We all miss Medina very much. My mom even made a little 'shrine' of some sort in the corner of her dresser. It's still difficult not to think about my sister sometimes. How does one give thanks when there's no one to acknowledge?

I don't remember the last time I wrote this much! I apologize for this being such a long post. I just want to remember... Thanks for reading. Have a good day and a great weekend everyone.

(Our last photo together)

xo, r

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Currently listening:
Nuno Malo - White Bodhisattva [Part II] [Edit]