This morning, I dreamt that Alec had died and I just remembered I was crying, and crying uncontrollably and then I cried some more...
In the middle of my tears I was able to tell myself that it'll all be okay, even if he's gone, he'll still be with me... I've lived a long life and with all the lessons that I've learnt, I've grown to be strong! But that didn't do any good because in my mind I knew, physically, I will never get to see him again. Never will I feel such love again whenever he speaks to me or make me laugh. I thought about not ever again will I find a person like him, yet I might find another companion named Alec, but it will not be the same. Nothing ever is. It was the saddest dream...
The dream felt so real and so intense, and I only cried. Then I finally woke up and turn to the other side and there he was, sleeping soundlessly next to me. I teared up a bit because I was so happy that it was only a dream. Then I thought about how empty my life would be without Alec... How frailty is life?
When my mind was cleared while still lying in bed, I thought about reality – this phenomenon that surrounds us... Sure, one can be free and our mind can take us places, but how free are we absolutely? I woke up, [and how cliché!] but might this all be another dream [or fabricated reality!] I weave?
This moment, I've come to the conclusion that reality is bitterly cruel – like a dream in which we never wake! And yet life itself is something so beautiful and utterly different...
Comments (12)
What an upsetting dream, but isn't it interesting how it brought you to an introspective place -- and the understanding of the true beauty of life and the moments that make up a life's happiness and truth.
love,
matty
Posted by matty | January 31, 2009 9:39 AM
Posted on January 31, 2009 09:39
That was a very hard dream to take. But you are on the right track. You have been given a second chance to live and love a new and even better dream.
Take it from someone who knows that many realities are never given a second chance and looking back we see all of the things that we would love to say if only we had the chance. Tell him how much you love him and how much he means to you!
You two have something special that some never get the chance to live in one lifetime. Live life to the fullest. Love and be loved! Hugs and luf, PJ
Posted by Lana | January 29, 2009 5:13 PM
Posted on January 29, 2009 17:13
:-[
I'm so happy for you that you have him and realise and cherish the specialness of that
(tis too easy not to...)
Posted by lettuce | January 26, 2009 12:56 AM
Posted on January 26, 2009 00:56
Aye sir, those dreams happen.
You are not alone with them.
Posted by Urspo | January 24, 2009 4:45 PM
Posted on January 24, 2009 16:45
It's always so difficult to shake those kinds of dreams. Like an intense movie, they stay with me for days after. But, as you so eloquently put it, it makes you that much more grateful and appreciative of the special person who walks through life with you.
Lovely post Robert.
Posted by Pua | January 23, 2009 12:19 PM
Posted on January 23, 2009 12:19
Amazing post.
I just had one of these dreams, not about my partner but about someone very close to me who is actually fighting cancer now.
The feeling of sadness and despondency was overwhelming even after I awoke.
In thinking about it now for a week I believe it was a way of making me hyper-aware of the value of this relationship and so to treasure the moments I have with this person, for no further moments are guaranteed.
Hugs.
Posted by JC | January 21, 2009 8:40 AM
Posted on January 21, 2009 08:40
What an amazing post!!
I sometimes wonder what I would do without all the people in my life. I wonder how I would have come to certain points in my life without the influences they have given me.
It's time for me to reflect and to realize just how grateful I should be.
Posted by johnmichael | January 20, 2009 9:38 PM
Posted on January 20, 2009 21:38
A good reason to hold Alec even closer and cherish what you have at the given mment. Because you never know when that moment may be taken away from you. Hold him tight. :-)
Posted by Steven | January 20, 2009 6:02 PM
Posted on January 20, 2009 18:02
Sometimes, it just amazes me at how real dreams can seem, even after waking and realizing that it was just a dream.
Posted by Greg | January 19, 2009 4:37 PM
Posted on January 19, 2009 16:37
I don't know what brings on these dreams but I have had dreams where my loved ones have died...they are very disturbing. I would be crushed if my husband or children were suddenly taken from me. I'm not certain I would be able to cope.
Posted by Marsha | January 19, 2009 4:08 AM
Posted on January 19, 2009 04:08
Should we call it "半梦半醒之间"? Do you think that your next dream sequence is love making? hmmm...
Posted by Steven | January 18, 2009 10:55 PM
Posted on January 18, 2009 22:55
Those are scary dreams, and life scenarios, to be having. I've had one or two myself, in spite of not really being a dreamer. It's difficult to see how our lives would continue on without that favorite someone, isn't it? Such a beautiful man, you are....your spirit, your words.
Posted by A Lewis | January 18, 2009 6:47 AM
Posted on January 18, 2009 06:47