Relativity (All Things But None)

A man who was frightened of dentists delayed seeing one until he only had six teeth left in his mouth. The dentist examined him and said, 'These teeth are finished. Let me do some root canal work, implants and all those other things I do, and you'll have a complete new set of choppers. You'll look beautiful and you won't have any more problems chewing.'

The man was dubious. 'I'm a physical coward. I can't stand pain.'

'Who said anything about pain? I'm a painless dentist!'

'You say so, but how do I know if it's true?'

'Not to worry,' the dentist said. 'I did a job exactly like this for another man. I'll give you his name and you can phone him right now. Ask if I caused him any pain.'

So the man telephoned George Kaplan in Brooklyn, 'Mr. Kaplan,' he said, 'my name is Al Goldstein. You don't know me, but I'm with your dentist and he says he did a big job on your teeth. Is that correct?'

'It is correct,' Kaplan agreed.

'OK,' said Goldstein. 'Now I want you to tell me the honest truth. Did it hurt? Tell me, yes or no?'

'A "yes" or "no" I can't give you,' said Kaplan. 'But I can give you a "for instance". Every Sunday I go rowing in Prospect Park.'

'So?' said Goldstein.

'So,' said Kaplan, 'our dentist finished with me in December. Now it's June and it's Sunday, and as usual I'm in my boat on the Prospect Park lake. Suddenly, one of the oars slips away. When I reach over to grab it, my balls get caught in the oarlock. Would you believe it, Mr. Goldstein, it was the first time in six months that my teeth didn't hurt!'

That's what the theory of relativity is.